It’s been really busy lately. Professionally and personally.  Sometimes you get stuck in the rat race and days fly by and before you know it, it days turn into weeks which turns into months which turns into a year magically quick.  I’ve been on that runaway train since the second week of January.  

At 12:12 pm on Monday, I got a text message.  My phone was on silent and I was in a meeting.  I don’t know why but i happened to turn my phone over which was face down on the boardroom table.  It was a rather long text from Nico.

“Sorry guys,” it began.  “Just to let you know Joe Joe passed away on Saturday”.  There were no details.  It was sudden.  Details to hopefully follow. 

What?  

You know those what the fuck moments?  You know, the ones in the movie or book where some character loses sense of where they are or were.

I was physically sitting in a board room listening to my boss talk and i zoned out.  I don’t exactly know how long but i know i must have missed some crucial info about an event we were running today because she looked at me funny.  Like WTF.  I don’t know how i got thorough the rest of the day  let alone that meeting being fairly productive, but i guess it’s shock.  I like to ride the wave of shock and numbess when i hear about a death of someone in my world.

I guess this is one of life’s reminders to you that sometimes you have to pull your head out of your own ass and re-examine what’s important.  I know i haven’t been doing that being so busy and focused with work but work has been challenging and growing me so I’ve enjoyed being wrapped up in it the last little while.  It doesn’t mean you stop functioning and going to work.  It just means you need to collect yourself every now, be a little less angry or stressed out, reach out to your loved ones, pause and enjoy life a little.  That you should realize even though you live in the rat race world you should remember each day is a gift and to pause and be thankful for something.  When i say ‘you’, really I mean myself and I like to think of at least 3 good things at the end of every day, But more on that later.  That’s what I learned from Alycia and that’s another post that’s been sitting in my drafts for a year.

Joe’s death has left us all heartbroken.   Poor Nico having to be the bearer of bad news.  I wasn’t super close to Joe, but he was one of my favourite people to bump into because he was so pleasant and was like a ray of sunshine spreading happiness to all he came into contact with.  I never knew when I was going to see him next because he worked a lot, but it was always a pleasant treat to see him show up on the bike or the Lotus.  I joked with him that he should take me for a ride in the lotus, or better yet let me drive it.  Never happened but it almost did.  Lol.  

One thing i think we all can agree on is Joe was one of those undercover love for person we all had but didn’t realize till now.  You didn’t realize the impact he had on you until now.  A creeper kind of love we have for him that that subtle and gently eases up on you without you even realizing. But I suppose it’s just kind of like his spirit; low key.  He was on the quiet side but had a calm energy but made you feel like a rock star when he talked to you.  Everyone loved Joe, and i think it’s the fact that he made you feel important when he spoke to you because he was genuinely focused in his conversation with you.  There is not one person who isn’t absolutely crushed by the news of Joe’s death because everyone did indeed love him even if they weren’t super close to him.  I never once heard or saw Joe talk shit about anyone else or say a negative thing once in all the years I knew him and all the conversations I had with him.   Joe’s the kind of person I think we all secretly strive to be, which is loved by all and admired by many.

I talked to Nico last night and he reminded me not to work so much and try and enjoy life.  “You only live once” he says.  Can’t argue that a time like this, because life likes to send you reminders from time to time that we shouldn’t take any day for granted. Anyone who has lost someone close to them like a parent, partner or child understands this. Anything for just 5 more minutes, right?  So I guess that’s the whole living in the present people talk about that can be so hard to do, that we all must try to do.

I’ve been in charge of dealing with issues at work related to a big move in our department.  It’s been a pain in the ass and I was voluntold to handle this project.  I have been going around looking for deficiencies and when I find that someone on my list doesn’t have one, I say “I love you”. It might be cheesetastic, but i do say positively, i do love that person for not being another pain in my ass asking for stuff that they shouldn’t be, my way of saying “thanks”, I suppose.  Not even asking but demanding at times.  I guess i catch myself sounding like Oprah giving away cars or some sort of swagalicious prize.  “Here’s an I LOVE YOU for YOU!!!! And YOU!!!! And YOU!!!”  I guess I’m lucky no one is filing a harassment claim against me, but i suppose human nature makes us all want to be liked and loved.

I guess life is short, and maybe previously another one of Life’s ass kicking lessons taught me to be true with my feelings and spread the wealth (and/or love).  Though some people might be more stingy with their affection, I am not.  If anything the past year has taught me is that people need more positivity in their lives. Or at least I do, so I strive to be the type of person or leader I want to be around.  I’ve always felt like life likes to give us occasional beat downs in different areas of our life.  I don’t feel like I need to contribute to that shit in someone else life.  If anything I subscribe to the opposite theory and feel like I’d rather be a beacon of light or hope for someone who may be dealing or struggling with a lot of things that may remain silent.  That’s how Joe was, and I wanna be like Joe when I grow up.

We are going to miss you Joe.  Rest in peace my sweet friend.