When the Holidays are Hard

If you asked me what my favourite holiday is, I’d tell you it’s Christmas.

It’s something about the fact most people seem lighter.  It’s the one time of the year I see people kinder to one another; though it’s not year round, I’ll take it because it’s a start.

I do love Christmas, I usually start listening to the Christmas Music on the radio station right after Halloween.  Yes, I’m that guy, because usually Christmas in my heart year round.  But I’ve barely listened to that station this year.  I can’t believe Christmas is in 3 days.  Man, the last few months just did indeed pass by in a blur.

But this year it’s harder than usual, a fog of malaise has rolled in on me the last few days and it’s been hard to shake and left me feeling raw.  I don’t know if it’s because it’s Tom’s one year anniversary of being gone.  I don’t know if it’s because my best friend’s death anniversary is a week from now, which has killed the excitement of New Years for me.  

The Holidays, as much as I loved them in the past are now are a hard time for me like it is for many others especially if you’re missing someone who’s no longer here.  Though death is a natural part of life, (so they say) I still haven’t managed to quite learn how to live with that fact to make missing people in my life who have passed any easier.

I wondered to myself how does one pick yourself up if you’re missing someone who’s no longer here.  It’s not like you miss your person(s) less on any other given day, but for some reason because the Holidays are a time for spending time with loved ones, if someone isn’t there you feel the void more than usual.  I know I’m not the only one walking around missing my people.  Like most people, I’m a robot and I just don’t talk about it because the daily grind has me preoccupied but it doesn’t mean it’s not on my mind or that I’m not feeling it even though I’m walking around like a zombie.

I look to the past where I’ve offered advice on the way I’ve celebrated my dearly departed which is to celebrate their life and our love of them.  Do recount fond memories and stories of they warmed you heart.  Do indulge in their favourite things if appropriate (or legal).

Through the course of texting my friend Will a few days ago, I did ask him how do you pull yourself out of the emotional shit storm when you’re in the thick of it, he simply replied focus on things that make you happy and/or do something nice for someone else.  I said, oddly that is something I usually do but being in middle of everything, I forgot things that I knew already because my sadness made me dumb.

So if you’re missing someone this time of year,  I feel you.  Let’s hug it out.  My best friend since I was 8 passed away twelve years ago, I still struggle with that all these years later and every subsequent death of someone in my life since then has just added to that emotional burden of trying to balance missing their presence and living your life and trying to be happy especially around the holidays.

So, celebrate your loved ones, let the memory of them live on in your hearts and minds.  Let your love for them set you free from the hurt/pain of missing them and allow you to be happy and thankful for having known them and having the pleasure of having them in your lives, even if it was ever too brief.  I know it sounds cliche, but it helps with missing them.

Celebrate and cherish the love

Merry, Merry.  Happy Happy and all that jazz.




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